Do you often feel overwhelmed?
Frazzled?
Chronically exhausted?
Low-grade unhappy?
Anxious or worried?
Do you also happen to not like (or even hate) your body ?
It might come as a shock to you, but a big part of the reason you feel this way might have less to do with your diet and exercise program or the latest show on Netflix keeping you up at night, and more to do with how you feel about yourself!
Ever just wonder why you’re SO DAMN BUSY all the time?!?
What is driving you?
Why can’t you relax, take the foot off the gas for a bit and just back off?
It’s possible a big part of the reason is rooted in low self-esteem and feelings of low self-worth. This manifests as you feeling like you have to keep going, keep pushing, in order to keep, or earn love, otherwise you would lose it.
This might explain why so many of us are what I call: “driven to busyness”.
So often our drive to “do, do, do” and being “so busy” is based out of a deep-seated feeling that we have to “prove” our worthiness for love, approval and validation. Trust me, I know ALL about this because this has been most of my life to date!…eeek!
As humans, we evolved for millions of years as social beings. Living with others in a tribe or community helped to ensure we got our basic survival needs meant. The threat of isolation could mean certain death.
Well, our DNA hasn’t really changed that much over the last few thousand years – certainly not within the last few hundred. This is easy to forget, but important to remember, this big picture perspective in order to understand our modern behavior that’s existing in a (still) primitive body!
People with low self-esteem usually feel alienated, “different”, unlovable, awkward, inadequate, incompetent even what appears to be the opposite as someone who is chronically “hustling for their worth”.
Your self-esteem is basically what you think about yourself. It is how much you appreciate and like yourself and your sense of inherent worth and value. Since it is rooted deep in your subconscious, often we are not even aware of how it developed and why it is what it is (“high” or “low”). Never-the-less, our self-esteem and our belief in our worth and abilities is an EXTREMELY powerful determinant of our behavior and is the driving force behind what we do (or do not do).
Without a healthy sense of self-esteem and self-love, subconsciously, we believe we must “earn” our worthiness. This can manifest in many ways like:
- Lack of taking risks
- Fear of trying new things
- Not wanting to go out of your comfort zone
- Playing safe
- Staying/Playing small
- Not using your voice
- Lack of emotional boundaries
- Over-working
- Trying too hard
- Negative self-talk
- Self-punishment
- Addictions
- People-Pleasing
You see, relentlessly and endlessly pushing ourselves often results in ignoring our body’s signals for what it needs in order to be healthy and to be able to thrive which can then result in a whole bunch of unwanted symptoms such as:
- Trouble sleeping
- Overeating
- Anxiety
- Panic attacks
- Irritability
- O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
- A. D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder)
- Addictions
- Feeling “disconnected” from ourselves and others
- Avoidance behaviors
We need to learn that we don’t have to earn our worthiness. You are worthy; you are valuable, just because you were born- simply because you exist.
If you feel like you need to behave a certain way in order to keep someone around, or to assure that you will have love or approval, then that’s a sign that you have abandoned YOURSELF and your own love for you and are not in a healthy situation or relationship. It’s a red flag that your soul is trying to make you aware of; an indication that you need to make a change.
Here are My Top 10 Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem and Self-Love for THE MOST important person in your life: YOU:
- Double-down on what you’re good at. The most successful people in life don’t try to be “good at everything”, but rather excel at one (or two) main things.
- Don’t poo-poo, judge or downplay your strengths. Amplify them
- Stop comparing yourself with others. You know NOTHING about the truth of their life or what’s happening behind the scene. Run your own race.
- Cultivate positive, reciprocal, real-life relationships that nurture your soul with someone you can confide in and trust
- Be kind to yourself…always
- Establish firm personal boundaries and stick to them.
- Say “no” when you don’t want to more
- Prioritize yourself, your time, your needs and feelings
- Help someone else. Giving to others and making a difference is the fastest way to feel good about yourself and like you matter!
- Stop all criticism. Never, ever, EVER talk badly about or to yourself.
I know, it can be really hard, and REALLY scary – and I’m not there yet 100% myself as I learn these things, but one thing I have learned is that true love is unconditional. That’s what all the great spiritual teachers taught. You are here for a reason. You are not a mistake or a screw up.
Let’s keep learning our way together!
Are you with me?
Let me know! xx
